Broken
by dune-ashes
Summary: Erik, having a guilty conscience, pays Charles a visit after the day on the beach. X-Men: First Class. Erik/Charles slash, may be a bit disturbing.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own X Men or anything in spite of this story.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** Erik, having a guilty conscience, pays Charles a visit after the day on the beach.

**A/N:** This is a weird piece I guess. I hope you can enjoy it anyway!

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><p>'Charles, it's my fault only… because of me, you…it should have been me, not you…'<p>

It's not the first time Erik confesses like this, his head bowed low facing that amazingly soft, pearly white mattress of Charles' bed. It's not the first time he's sitting in Charles' room without the need of asking for permission either, he just does what he has to do – he is being the very same Erik he was before. Nothing has changed, even if he claims otherwise.

Charles shifts uncomfortably on one arm to get a better look at his friend's face and frowns at the sight. Erik looks distraught, like a man who was through too many hardships in his life to handle **- **which is probably true - but there's also something predatory and raw in his posture. For a short moment Charles has a feeling that the metal bender will snap and try to hit him, but nothing happens.

'What's done, is done, Erik.' Charles says quietly, sincerely. 'If there's no turning back, there is also no need for reconsidering what's broken.'

The taller man turns his gaze away, as if humiliated by his friend's words. _What's broken is broken. _

'I'm sorry.' He repeats, although he realizes that all his efforts are in vain, that he destroyed something that can't be rebuilt. That what he did cannot be helped, cannot be forgiven.

There's also more to that in his sense of guilt – something utterly low and despicable, a thing that never fails to somehow amaze Charles everything Erik pays him a visit.

A need.

Xavier just smiles and turns his back to Magneto.

'It's alright.' He says, and the strangest thing is that he feels like those words are true. 'Go on.'

The reason why everything seems so easy is almost too simple. He knows everything about Erik – he can feel his anger and pain, but also that faint, fogged trace of lust in the depths of his mind, his _affection. _He was able to sense it before, but strangely enough that feeling seems to get stronger and stronger after the accident and Erik's realization of Charles' disability.

Everything happened too fast for both of them.

Charles closes his eyes just when Erik's calloused hand starts to stroke his shoulder, and once again he wonders why. How is it even possible that he can just accept laying there quietly, awake and conscious, and yet never fully aware of what's happening to him, because that _broken_ part of him – he suspects there're more_ broken _parts anyway **- **fails toreport of its own further damage? How can he feel so relaxed, so calm in Magneto's arms knowing he's only being consumed in the flame of Erik's anger and guilt?

Magneto's hands always caress Charles' upper body long enough for him to melt in that touch he craves for so much, to sell himself away without realizing right at the beginning of their game. His back arches even as his lower body stays completely still, and he wonders if their relationship has ever been as perfect as it is now, like this.

'Yes…' Erik mutters somewhere in the area of Charles' ear, and after a while his tongue tastes delicate skin of the Professor's jaw.

Charles is just a puppet, but in this moment he feels strangely content with that position.

'Go on.' He says again, because Erik's thoughts are full of doubt and lust mixing together in a dangerous substance ready to burst.

Charles reaches for him then to ease the obvious tension in Magneto's muscles, his ghostly-like hand wrapping around Erik's muscular arm, urging gently.

'My friend.'

There're no words left to be said and Charles wraps his arms around Magneto's neck a bit awkwardly, pressing their chests together. He doesn't remove his shirt, not today; lost in the illusion of being still and safe he just lays patiently in the other man's embrace – waiting, but not quite expecting. There's nothing to expect anyway.

Charles suspects that it's the strangest feeling in the whole universe to be overwhelmed like this by Magneto, still foreign and yet oddly well known by now. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, absorbing everything Erik has to offer **–** his spicy cologne, dry kisses, pleasantly warm hands, possessive weight on top of him. Xavier's foggy mind drifts back to that faithful day on the beach as they move in the steady rhythm he obviously cannot enjoy beside the mental level, and the memories suddenly seem more painful than before.

The bullet, pain, Magneto holding him just like in this very moment, just like every night.

His mind screams in the accompany of Erik's powerful thrusts and Charles realizes that his thoughts are probably being forceful enough to reach his lover's and sink him in the bottomless black hole he has just created without meaning to. They're together and alone, joined but more distanced than ever. They're allies; and yet they're enemies for the last day of their lives – that's what they've chosen, that's what was rational enough for both of them to accept.

Erik kisses him fiercely, his movements so harsh and violent that Charles wonders for a brief moment whether he'd be begging him to stop if he actually _felt_ anything in spite of the panting and the temperature rising. Would he?

'Charles, I…' _Am going to come_, Erik finishes in his thoughts, and Charles just nods absently, stroking his hair with affection.

Then everything stops and Magneto falls on top of him like a dead weight, pinning Charles to the filthy mattress. His breathing becomes quiet and almost shameful.

'I shouldn't have.' He admits, touching his lover's pale cheek, unable to look Charles in the eye.

'Probably.' Xavier sighs tiredly, but his hand grasps Magneto's shirt before the metal bender manages to retreat. 'But don't leave me now.'

Magneto shakes his head and smiles.

'I couldn't even if I wanted to.'

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><p><strong>If you liked (or even disliked!) this please give me your thoughts :) I still didn't decide if I should go for another ff piece from X Men or not :s<strong>


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